Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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