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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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