Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize