When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
