Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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