OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
