Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
