I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
