He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
