When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
