dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
