"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
