and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You're my little dorito
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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