2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
