i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
