Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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