cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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