thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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