Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
