Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who died my cat blue again?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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