I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize