A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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