i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
