so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
