Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
