If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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