carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dear god my vagina.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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