So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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