shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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