Small penises have feelings too.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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