Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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