I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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