He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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