did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
