she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
