its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
