He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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