I'm so fucking centered right now
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
