All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
