they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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