margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
