you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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