i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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