let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You took a bar mat shot.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize