I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
