...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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