She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
