Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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