Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
