Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
