Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
