i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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