i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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