guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
its liver damage thursday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize