I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All I want is dick and wine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
