my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
