Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
