So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no, he came in my armpit
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
