About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
