don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
