you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
