is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize