She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
