What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
