You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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