i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
