I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
