Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
