Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
