I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
