he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
false alarm, still single
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
