Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
