I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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