tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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