I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
